Soul Mates

So what do I mean when I say Steve and I are soul mates? I may get a little mushy here, so if you have a low tolerance for such things, move on to the next post. I'm sure I'll be complaining about something again soon! What I mean is that our thoughts are connected in so many ways. The first thing I noticed was that we shared a sense of humor. Now that may not seem like much to you, but a lot of people don't get my jokes. I may have laughed at Mark during our relationship, but even in the early days, I did not usually laugh with him. Steve understands my obscure references---most of the time---and finds the same things funny, even when others would find them inappropriate. We laugh at the same movies. We enjoy many of the same activities.

Back when we just started being a public couple, I remember going to a crowded "hang out" bar with Steve. There were no seats at the bar and people were standing around. Steve and I started talking to different people. I just remember looking over at Steve and sharing a glance like the one Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy shared when Lizzy was helping Darcy's sister play the piano. Well, like the glance Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle shared in the BBC version. And I remember my heart catching. It's the kind of thing you see happening in John Hughes movies. Except that we were older than some of the parents in John Hughes movies and it was happening to me for the first time ever. It's a combination of excitement/attraction and comfort/happiness. And if you have never had that kind of romantic relationship, it's incredibly powerful when it hits in your middle years. What made it even better was the post-mortem: when we discussed it after leaving the bar, it was clear that we really had both been feeling the same thing.

We usually understand each other so well in conversation that it is rather jarring when one of us doesn't get the other's reference. Recently, I said something about The Honeymooners and Steve didn't know what The Honeymooners was. I was shocked, until I realized that he'd grown up in England, and even though they broadcast a lot of American TV, evidently Ralph Kramden was not part of the English cultural landscape. This is a far cry from the way things are with other people. I've just gotten used to having to explain everything I say. I remember times when I was married to Mark when what I was saying required so much explanation that the joke was dead before was understood.

In my life, I've had only a couple of people who understand me like that. One is Jenna, who is one of the all-time funniest people I know, and who gets all my references and laughs at my jokes. The other was my friend Terry, who died a few years ago. So I am actually quite lucky, because to have three people in your life who understand you and want the best for you is probably more than most people have. To have one of them want to live with you and share your bed means you are blessed indeed.